![]() But remember: leave no trace while working, since even a stray fleck of paint can send this spacecraft plummeting back to Earth in a fiery wreck. I was watching you as you took your seats, and I think you guys can beat that record. We’ve had passengers replace the pump controller box in five and a half hours flat. If there’s an ammonia leak-and I can’t stress this enough- get to work quickly. You’ll know oxygen is flowing if your eyeballs don’t immediately explode. Put the mask over your mouth and nose, and breathe normally. In the case of a drop in air pressure, oxygen masks will fall. You’ve got three movies to choose from today: “Boss Baby,” “Boss Baby 2,” and “Boss Baby 3: All Boss, No Baby.” If you get through them all, you’ll be able to watch them again in Chinese or Turkish. Sounds like they’re having problems with the horse. Hey, here’s some good news! We just got bumped up for departure. We do have hummus boxes for five dollars. To that end, please try to keep all breathing shallow. We packed almost twenty pounds of peanuts per person in lieu of backup oxygen tanks. ![]() Bad news first, though: someone onboard has a nut allergy. We have a wide variety of snacks for you to enjoy on today’s flight. And before you ask-yes, a space bucket is just a regular bucket, with a lid. Maybe you found yourself with some extra dough thanks to the estate-tax repeal? Or maybe you saw “Guardians of the Galaxy” and thought, “I could do that.” Something inspired you to hit Purchase, so try to cling to whatever that was while you’re retching into your space bucket. If you’re afraid of heights, the cabin door has already closed, so just try to sit quietly for the next eight days and eleven hours and reflect on why you decided that this would be a cool vacation. Cruising altitude today will be approximately a billion, two hundred and sixty-seven million, and two hundred thousand feet.
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